I recently attended a financial planning conference where a fascinating conversation unfolded, one that I suspect will resonate with many of you reading this.
The topic was young adults (our children) entering the workforce and the challenge as a financial planner, of getting them engaged with retirement planning early. The younger voices in the room were honest and articulate about their challenges, starting salaries simply don’t stretch far enough. Rent, medical aid, groceries, transport, the basics alone can feel overwhelming in today’s especially in metropolitan areas. Retirement, they said, feels like a distant abstraction when survival feels like the immediate reality. It’s hard to argue with that.
But then the older planners in the room said something that gave everyone pause. Many admitted they were still paying their adult children’s medical aids, subsidising rent, and covering expenses for children who had long since married, started families, and were driving cars they couldn’t afford themselves. And then came the quiet admission that perhaps we made it too easy.
When the older generation started out, there were no smartphones, no gym memberships, no expectation of immediate comfort. They went without and figured things out as they went along. Student loans had to be repaid, and internship salaries had to suffice. In doing so, they built certain skills or attributes, resourcefulness, resilience, and a genuine appreciation for what they eventually earned.
I see this dynamic constantly in my own business. And I’ll be honest, I’m not immune to it myself. We love our children and we hate seeing them struggle. When we have the means to help, it feels almost unnatural not to, but what looks like generosity on the surface can quietly become something more complicated underneath.
I’ve watched clients trim their own lifestyles, downscale their homes, and quietly shelve dreams in what should be their glory years because financial support of their children never had a proper end date. Even among wealthier clients, the consequences often surprise people. Children who haven’t had to earn money frequently don’t value it the same way. A quiet sense of entitlement can develop. Partners can feel diminished because they’re unable to provide what the family has come to expect. These are real, human costs that no balance sheet captures.
Finding the balance isn’t about being hard-hearted, it’s about being thoughtful. Before you extend financial support, talk it through with your spouse. Consider all the consequences, both for your children, for their relationships, and for yourselves. Never assist to your own detriment.
Retirement isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of a whole new chapter. Make sure you arrive there with enough and if you help, do so responsibly.
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Dirk Groeneveld, Certified Financial Planner
t. 083 261 9287
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Disclaimer:
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