We sat with a new client couple last week, working through their goals for the future. It’s one of my favourite parts of onboarding a new family, unpacking not just where they are today, but where they’d like to be in the future. Holidays, cars, retirement, and, in this case, two children heading off into adulthood.
Their eldest starts university next year. Stellenbosch is calling, and rightly so. We costed tuition, residence and living expenses at R250,000 a year or R1,000,000 over four years. Their younger child has other plans. Port Elizabeth, staying at home, studying locally. That journey came to roughly R240,000 over the same four years.
Both wonderful kids, both wonderful plans. That evening, sitting at home, one figure kept nagging at me; R760,000. The present-day difference, sitting right there between two siblings under the same roof.
Let me be clear, there’s no right or wrong answer here. Every child is different, and I’m not suggesting a Stellenbosch education isn’t worth it. What I am asking is whether parents always think decisions this expensive through as deeply as they should. In my experience, often they don’t. The decision gets made with love and good intention, and once it’s made, the die is cast, quietly shaping financial decisions for years to come.
If both children had studied locally, the family would have saved somewhere around R500,000. That could go a long way toward housing deposits one day, a wedding or two, or the overseas trip this couple has been quietly putting off while they “get the kids sorted.” It’s not that spending on Stellenbosch is wrong, it’s that the alternative is rarely given equal airtime in the conversation.
My generation is more generous toward our children than the ones before us, and mostly that’s a beautiful thing. But generosity without reflection can quietly erode our own dreams such as an earlier retirement, a long-planned trip, the freedom to slow down sooner. Is it always the smart thing to do? Is it always appreciated the way we imagine? And could it be placing pressure on the goals we’ve been quietly working toward ourselves?
This is why our onboarding process spends so much time helping clients think about their future selves, not just today’s wants. It can feel like it takes the spontaneity out of decisions. But it makes for far wiser family choices.
So, here’s the real question. Would you rather sit with a tough, well-considered decision today, or leave your future self to live with the consequences of one that was never quite thought through?
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Dirk Groeneveld, Certified Financial Planner
t. 083 261 9287
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