Winter in the Eastern Cape – As Cold As A Banker’s Heart

by SFT | May 4, 2025 | St Francis

Do you remember as far back as two weekends ago? It was warm – in the 30s on both days – the beach was busy, and the water was warm. Braais and a few refreshments, people swimming in their pools and beaches, and summer cocktails. Well, that ended suddenly, didn’t it? Now we’re back to the cycle of fireplaces, heaters, extra blankies and extra layers of clothing. Massive summer clothing sales in all the retail outlets, a chill in the air in the morning, boardshorts replaced by tracksuit pants, beanies replacing caps and grimaces replacing smiles everywhere. This reminds us that Winter in the Eastern Cape can be particularly grim.

Firstly, The Cold Sneaks Up Like a Ninja

Winter in the Eastern Cape isn’t normally cold. The wind cuts through five layers of clothing like you’re wearing tissue paper. You go to bed mildly chilly. You wake up in a fridge. It’s not “real” cold, say the inland people in their identical puffer jackets, but if you don’t have a fire going you can see your breath in the lounge, your pillow feels like a frozen bag of peas, and in those icy moments in the morning before the sun comes up all your life choices start flashing before your eyes, and you try to blink away the tears, but they’re frozen.

The Geyser Will Play Up

You have one job, geyser. One job. But somehow, it gives you 2 minutes 30 seconds of hot water followed by an Arctic death rinse, and those 150 seconds are totally used up by your youngest kid. Your older kid screams at the injustice of it all, and you try to market the joy and revitalisation elements of a cold shower to family members who stare at you like you are a person with very little cognitive development.

The Wind Is Emotionally Abusive

It doesn’t just blow here in St Francis Bay. It howls. Sideways. With spite. It pushes you backwards. It blows the bins over, sends your washing into the canals so your neighbours can watch your underwear miserably drift past, and blows through the door with a whistle, saying ‘howzit.’.

The Sun Is A Fake

You look outside. Golden glow. Not a cloud in sight. You open the door, and instantly, your face is made of unfeeling leather. When the sun shows up, it’s just for show. It looks warm, but that’s a trap. You leave the house in a long-sleeved T-shirt for a morning walk and come back in a mild state of hypothermia, unable to speak correctly even though you’re relatively sober, and once again start rueing life choices.

Everyone Becomes a Recluse

Social life? Gone. Everyone cancels. “It’s too cold” becomes a valid and acceptable excuse for everything. Plans? Cancelled. Braais? Cancelled. Life? Postponed until spring. You sit at home like a medieval peasant, clutching a mug of coffee to your layered lap, waiting for the sun to return.

Shirtless Heroes

The cold weather also brings out some faulty people. Last winter, Cape St Francis had to endure a few shirtless joggers in the middle of winter. You know the look: beanie, a forced smile, wrap-around reflector sunnies, skin-tight longs, visible abs and pure, glistening self-importance.  On ice. Seriously, who needs cleverness when you’ve got visible abs? It’s not about attention; it’s all about inner warmth, which must live somewhere near their delusion glands. No, these guys weren’t locals.

Fashion Dies a Sudden Death

Forget looking cool. You’re wearing socks on your hands, two mismatched jerseys, and your grandpa’s green corduroy 1980s smoking jacket because it’s the only thing thick enough to block the draft. You haven’t felt confident since December. Actually, you haven’t felt confident since that ‘discovery’ December sometime in the early 90s, but that’s a different story.

Winter in the Eastern Cape is not a season. It’s a survival challenge. Build a fireplace, bring firewood wherever you go, and always have an extra five blankets and one of those slim, uber-stylish two-litre bottles of old brown sherry on hand. The sherry really helps. 

The editor

Read more: Why the EC is actually an awesome winter destination.

Read more: Seven Reasons Cape Town Can Piss Right Off in 2025