12 Things To Do In Cape Town During Winter.

Another episode of our rewarding but unpopular travel tips column

Now that summer is over, we can muse over some awesome ways to spend time in the equally awesome Cape Town over the upcoming winter months. Here are our 12 things to do in Cape Town during winter.

 

1. Go to Durban.

2. Visit Dubai.

3. Head to Mauritius

Swim With The Turds

4. Swim with the turds in Milnerton. The sewage problem at Milnerton Lagoon seems to come and go. If your trip to Cape Town is lucky enough to coincide with a sewage release at the Milnerton Lagoon, don your goggles and snorkel and swim with the local version of wildlife. It’s way more dangerous than swimming with the sharks in Gansbaai.

 

5. Try to get to Cape Town from the suburbs. Cape Town is now the 7th most traffic-congested city in the entire world. An early morning coffee shop meeting in the city is utterly impossible unless you organise to sleep in the actual coffee shop and open up in the morning for your meeting. A trip from the southern suburbs (Rondebosch, Newlands, Pinelands, etc) becomes a test of endurance and stamina. Some people make it, but many do not. Instead, they hit a left, head into Woodstock, and go to that special bottle store that sells pre-packaged beer, dagga and braai-meat picnic packs. Do that, and the day is yours.

 

6. Watch your back – Cape Town is the 12th worst place in the world for homicide, with about nine people killed every day.

Play A Game Of Find-A-Parking

7. Play a four-hour game of find-a-parking in the city centre in the rain. Enter the city centre from the South Suburbs side and head down to The Castle. Then, head up any road that points towards the mountain and start your game. There are no winners in this game.

8. Marvel at the wonders of the Port Of Cape Town. The Port of Cape Town was officially identified in the newly published World Bank Container Port Performance Index as the worst-performing port in the world. Alternatively, go to the V & A waterfront and get ripped off at a restaurant of your choice.

9. Go aquaplaning in your car after the first rain in a while. If you luck into a big rainfall after a dry spell in CT you can go aquaplaning for free. The roads will have a nice thick layer of oil and dirt, and the stormwater drains will definitely be blocked. A few mm of water and oil mix will cover the tarmac – ideal for a 2-ton Kombi to aquaplane optimally across dangerous intersections and through red lights.

The Atlantic Seaboard

10. Visit the restaurants and beaches of the Atlantic Seaboard between rain squalls. Here you will find an enclave of trust fund babies, with dapper hipsters alongside stoned and shirtless surfers, sipping lattes and eating plant-based revolution snacks while pondering the meaning of life. Their hobbies include using Insta to show a healthy diet of tamarind, peach blossom and honeysuckle despite their fentanyl addictions.

 

11. Check out the Cape Town City Centre. A vibrant and exciting part of the Cape Town experience and a lot of fun, the area also houses many feckless individuals, including criminals, backpackers, lawyers, influencers, human crabs, cheese makers, pettifoggers, sandwich sellers and other lovely souls. During the winter nights, visiting teams of young girls hit the city jols and dance floors and take as many kissy selfies as possible before their drinks get spiked. During the day, people urinate in public.

12. Visit the wine farms in Cape Town, such as De Grendel, Buitenverwachting, and Vergelegen. They are lovely in the winter. An interesting fact is that Jan van Riebeeck planted the first wine grapes in Cape Town in the 1600s. Sailors would pop in at Ye Olde Cape Stronge Water Store along their travels and grab as much wine as possible, maintaining that copiously dopping wine wards off scurvy, a tradition that continues today in Cape Town, because no one wants scurvy.

The end.

 

Read more: Seven Reasons Cape Town Can Piss Right Off in 2025

Read more: Reasons To Visit Gqberha, If You Are Not Like Other People

Further reading: Seven Reasons Why George Is A Cool Place To Visit.