Oh, Dear, we have to go to Durban – notes from the editor

by SFT | Jun 4, 2025 | Notes From The Editor, St Francis

We’re going to Durban, with mixed feelings galore. While St Francis pulls out scarves, sips red wine, and gathers around fires like a wholesome Netflix family, we’ve decided to lean into Durban for surf contest season in the city where June smells like burning rubber, cat wee and samoosas.

Let’s unpack why this particular travel decision doesn’t feel particularly warm.

1. The Weather Is Warm. Emotionally, You Will Not Be.

Yes, it’s warm in winter. Durban smugly puffs out 26°C afternoons while Cape Town is drowning in Atlantic drama. But it’s not a crisp, clean warmth. It’s a sweaty, suspicious warmth that makes you wonder whether the clouds are sweating, too. Take sunscreen, or you’ll be going red by lunchtime.

2. The Ocean’s Lovely – If You Don’t Mind Faeces.

The Indian Ocean is a bath. A warm, brown bath. Often, Durban’s beaches are technically “open,” but keep an eye out for those charming signs that say “Swimming Not Advised – High E. coli Levels”. Nothing gets the adrenaline going like trying to body-surf while mentally calculating how much sewage you’ve just swallowed.

3. The Cockroach Struggle Is Real

Winter in other cities means fewer bugs. Winter in Durban means the cockroaches simply evolve. These aren’t your average creepy crawlies. These are confident, heat-resistant, flying cats that want to eat you.

4. The Local Wildlife Includes Monkeys, Vervets, and the Occasional Escaped Goat

Durban’s monkeys are not cute. They are intelligent, coordinated, and capable of gang operations. If you leave your Airbnb window open, you will return to find them holding a prayer meeting around your Woolworths snacks, wearing your underwear and poohing.

5. There’s Culture – Somewhere Under the Rubbish

Durban has a rich cultural history. Unfortunately, it’s often hidden under layers of plastic bags, decaying beachfront signage, and the vague scent of despair. Somewhere beneath it all, there’s poetry. Apparently.

6. You’ll Save on Entertainment – Because There Isn’t Any

Unless you count watching pensioners fight over margarine at Spar, which is pretty good, or your Uber driver swearing at a taxi, entertainment options are sparse. Nightlife? Only if you count that one place in Florida Road still serving R25 tequila shots in between patrons getting shot. With Guns. Even the cinemas have recently moved to Cape Town.

7. You’ll Learn to Appreciate Other Cities

Honestly, Durban is a brilliant destination – for perspective. You’ll return to St Francis with fresh eyes, whispering things like, “Wow, at least we still have our health.”

8. Witness the Fish Apocalypse

Every winter, Durbanites start buzzing about the Sardine Run like it’s some magical oceanic spectacle. Yes, billions of sardines migrate up the coast, pursued by sharks, dolphins, gannets, and approximately every coastal uncle with a cooler box and a cigarette.

The beaches become scenes of oily chaos: silver fish flopping desperately on the sand while hordes of chubby men in cargo shorts shove pensioners aside to scoop them up by the bucketful. They’re like possessed contestants on a deranged seafood game show that smells like fish curry left in a hot car.

So yes, visit Durban in winter. Pack SPF 50, a sense of humour, your lowest expectations and toilet paper.

Trust me.

The toilet paper situation deserves its own story, so read on, and weep,

You need your own toilet paper in Durban not because toilet paper is unavailable, it’s technically there, but because relying on the public supply is an extreme sport.

Here’s why:

1. Public Bathrooms Exist Mostly in Theory

Finding a public toilet in Durban is unlikely. If you do stumble upon one, it often comes with a handwritten sign that says “No Water” or “Toilet Out of order since 2016.”

2. When It Is There, It’s the Texture of Aluminium and the Strength of a Whisper

Durban’s public toilet paper (where provided) is usually that thin, grey single-ply that feels like tin foil and doesn’t wipe so much as spread.

3. Some Places Operate on a BYO-Tissue Basis

Especially at petrol stations, small cafes, and the more rustic beachside toilets that have an empty roll holder and a cheerful sign suggesting you ask “at the counter.” The ignominy of asking, out loud, in public, is too much.

4. Toilet Paper Is Also Considered a Hot Commodity

In some parts of Durban, a roll of two-ply is currency. Don’t be surprised if someone offers to swap it for a cold Black Label or a half-smoked Styvie red. I just noticed that our vices have colours.

Durban Curry Blow-Out

5. You Just Don’t Want to Be That Person Caught Short

You went in for that power Durban curry man, an all. Then you got bold. You laughed at your local friend’s concern. Now it’s 18 minutes later, and something is going on in your paunch. If you have a full Durban curry blow-out, you’ll need plenty of toilet paper, for dabbing.

Bringing your own toilet paper to Durban is preparation. It’s a small roll of hope in a city that needs hope.

Further reading – St Francis Bay Welcomes The Whales – Various Exciting Happenings 6 – 9 June – Check Out The Info!